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Mar. 27th, 2011

Beautiful sunset at boracay

boracay's sunset
Watching the sunset on a sailboat at boracay was one of the most amazing experience i had ever had. And whats even more amazing is enjoying every moment with your loved one. 
For those who havent been here, should really visit this place. its just super amazing.. the beach, the people and the food.. I bet once you get here, you'll never want to leave..
This is one amazing get away.. a must for couples, family, and friends.. But i must say you should leave all your worries behind if you want to really enjoy this place. =)

Mar. 22nd, 2011

Goodbyes and hellos

"Sometimes life is ironic and cruel."
"Shit happens."
"Sometimes we do things that we dont wanna do but we do it otherwise."

These are the things that i have come to embrace and hate. I have accepted the fact that life is not at all happy.

I am now on my way back to singapore after a 6 day vacation at manila with my darling, darrel. Tears once again streak my face as i watch him move away from me. My heart is breaking and i am finding it hard to breathe.. You may find me a bit over reacting but when you love someone and you have to go far away for the sake of money i think you'll understand.
Being an ofw (which i have just realized that i myself is one of those people) is a hard life.. Behind all the money that these people earn to send back home, is a heart bleeding and lonely. As a filipino, we are fond of family get togethers, reunions, and we are all bond by our family ties. This is what makes us unique, we give priority and importance to our family. It is something that is innate in us. And being far away from that, is like taking half of our soul. Loneliness drains us, make us weak and vulnerable.
Despite this vulnerability, we are strengthen by the pictures in our wallets and phones, personal videos that we can watch over and over again, calls and sms from our loved ones, promises that we vowed to the people we left behind and wishes from our family and those we love. It what keeps us going in this foreign place. This is what keeps us alive.
I may be sad now, but i know my darrel will keep me motivated. This is for our future. I will be strong. And i will survive until i see him again the next time i come home. Then he can hug me tight again until all my fears and loneliness are drained and filled with the warmness of his love.

Posted via LiveJournal app for iPhone.

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Mar. 17th, 2011

whoopeeee!!!!

March 17, 2011
3:05AM.

I still can’t believe it.. I think I need someone to slap me on the face! After 11 months of painstakingly working my butt off at a foreign country, I am finally coming home..

Its 2:44am now. I boarded the plane at around 1:30am of March 17, 2011. (amazingly the flight was not delayed.^_^) I wanted to go to sleep now so I can roam the city in the daylight but my excitement just won’t let me. Im having butterflies in my stomach, the plane is shaking, my mind is off to somewhere in the Philippines.. aarrrgghh.. so I thought, instead of trying to go sleep (which I doubt if I would) , I might as well start documenting this trip in writing. I can picture all of this anyways when I read it.
So its 2:49am, I’m seating next to the window at 17F. I have no seatmates. Which is nice by the way, but may also be bad coz I have to fill up papers and I forgot my friggin’ pen. The stars look great tonight which is a sign of a good weather. If my phone could just take a photo of it, it would have been great. Unfortunately though, its too dark that my camera cant take the whole picture. So maybe ill just stamp it in my mind and hope I wont forget it. In all fairness, God makes such wonderful things like this. It makes me wonder if people ever notice these things because they’ve been making stuffs that’s been ruining our world.

I was hungry a while ago, so I bought nissin cup noodles and C2 lemon. Man! Why don’t Chinese people make this kind of stuff? Their noodles and lemon teas are too bland. I’m beginning to wonder if God even gave them tastebuds.

Anyways, it’s almost 3:00am. We’re just 2 hours away from the Philippines. I wonder what awaits me when I get out of the airport. Just the thought of it makes me so happy. I’m picturing my boyfriend waiting for me outside, we’ll eat Jollibee then we’ll go to the malls… waaaaaahhh… can’t wait. So to make time fly fast, ill just take a quick nap. And when I step foot on Philippine soil, ill kiss the ground I’m stepping on. (well maybe not!)

Until next blog entry, see yah!

Mar. 10th, 2011

I'm back!

 Hello live journal!! hello ghost readers (if i ever even have one!)!! 

I AM OFFICIALLY BACK TO BLOGGING!!!

And its been like.. what... more than two (2) boring years since i last posted..? wow! time flies by so fast.. guess nothing to tell about during those 2 years.. so lets just leave it as is.

Anyways, how you guys doing?

Me? oh im doing great! havin' a blast with the life i have right now! couldnt be any better!

okay. maybe i'm a bit exaggerating. Actually, so far working my butt off can be fun sometimes.. but not all of the time. Its good in a way coz im earning.  buying all the stuff that i want. buy this and that. It makes me happy! but not always.. thats one thing i have to learn hard.. like real hard. That the material things can make you happy but will not give you the happiness one would long for all one's life. So all you guys out there, dont get to attached to your iphones, ipads, macbooks, sony vaio (although i drool at people busying themselves with these gadgets.), it may make you happy now but that wont last forever. I assure you that.

So why dont you guys, spend a little time with the people around you. talking is good. if you talk about the good stuffs. it doesnt just exercise your mouth and dry up your saliva but also helps in building relationships like friends and/or lovers. having these kind of relationships are priceless. If you've got problems, macbooks wont listen to your whinings and give you advices! well.. except if you look it up on the net. maybe you'll see a bunch. but these are not real people. the real people are those around you. I'm not talking about those total strangers, idiot. I'm talking about the people who have stuck with you all these years. who know you for you are. we may as well include those new found friends who will understand you for you are. They are priceless. so remember them.

So to all my friends from all the parts of the world, know that I remember you all. you will always be that tiny little gem inside my heart.

 

Apr. 28th, 2008

april 28, 2008

i went to school today for my review... whew! and i though i WAS late.. but come to think of it.. i WAS late.. its just that our instructor was late too.. hehehe..

well.. today is supposed to be a normal day for me..

woke up.. cooked breakfast.. took a bath.. ate breakfast.. went to school... review... study... hang out with friends.. texted my jemhie of my routine for the day.. and extra events which happened earlier... then.. went to the mall... ate holy kettle corn.. watched tv.. went to my room.. turned on my laptop... then blogging...

whew... not bad for a normal day huh? but enough of those crap. its not actually d reason why im back blogging.

well there are 2 reasons why i'm here pouring all these
"EMO" stuffs out of me:

1. Going back to school makes me sad. hmmm... weird huh?... I'm actually  or supposedly focusing all my brain cells to the review thingy but every now and then when i get the chance, i always  and i  mean ALWAYS! look back where i spent my happy and sad moments with my friends... although yah! i can still talk to them.. but ever since one of my bestest friends died, i can't help but look back on how things were during our college years.. maybe because he was the closest friend i ever had.. when i go out to the mall, i dont have anyone who would accompany me... when i have problems i dont have anyone to share it with.. well there are some but it is not as easy as sharing it with that one person i can confide it with... haay.. how i miss him... but i'm happy that he's happy now... ^_^

2. I think my boyfriend is giving more time in his work than me... huhuhu... Sadly, this is true... haay.. i wanted to share this with him but i just can't coz basically, he's working because of ME!!! I do understand why he needs to do good in his work but the more he's doing great with it.. the lesser does he spend his time with me.. huhuhu... although he's doing great effort to make up for it.. but i just can't get this jealous feeling out of me... haay... maybe il just have to be really patient until such time where i can finally be with him... as for now, il just have to be strong enough and wiser enough to understand him more everyday...

For now, My LIFE is just plain STRESSED OUT EMOTIONALLY... but i am positive that one day my life will change for the better... and i am positively SURE that it will happen next month... oh yeah!!

Mar. 26th, 2008

drift away

Drift away

Tonight as my pillows put me to sleep,
and as my covers warms up my body.
I try to drift away into my fantasies,
but reality holds me back from leaving.

Like monster, they held me captive.
forcefully torturing my heart and my soul.
i am heavily battered by pain and cruelties.
unable to see the light behind this four walls.

But hope still glimmer in my eyes like raindrops.
Yearning to feel joy, happiness and love.
and as i close my eyes again despite of blinding pains.
I hope to drift away into my dreams, my life and my fantasies.
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Mar. 21st, 2008

FOr this week, I will not eat pork!! ... uhmmm.. what was that again?

maundy thursday... good friday... black saturday.. easter sunday...these are the most important days of the holy week or in our local term the "semana santa"..

for most religious people, it is a time for reflection.. a time for prayer.. and a time for sacrifices..

for us people who are not that religious, this week is a time for us to detach ourselves from our earthly possessions and take time to reminisce or remember how Jesus died to save us all...

At times, it is so easy to say... "I will not eat this or that" or "I will not do this or that" but in the end we say... "on second thought..."

Having this kind of attitude mark humans' vulnerability to temptation. it is a sign that we as humans cannot surpass adam and eve's image.. we will always be this way... vulnerable.. unfaithful... and defiant..

But.. God bestowed us with a blessing.. a gift..  that differentiate us with all other creations.. and that put us in a level higher of them all.. God created us in his own image and likeness. We are.. like him.. capable of thinking and doing things..

With this mind or scientifically called the "brain", we are then capable of thinking. We are capable of discovering things and knowing it. We can even elevate or image to a whole new level.. We are capable! but the problem lies in the will to do things.

We can stand by our promises, our sacrifices.. that is IF the will wants it! We can resist temptation.. we can avoid it that is if we are strong in our beliefs and in our religion!  With a strong faith in God and thinking He is with us all the time, in a world full of temptations, nothing can waver our dignity and our principles! Bearing this in mind, then we can rightfully say with pride that we are indeed created in the image and likeness of God.

Yes, it is true! humans are vulnerable, unfaithful and defiant... but those traits are nothing coz I know God is with me and IN me..


Feb. 2nd, 2008

to somebody who made me feel that I exist.

Stranger...

At first, I didn’t care about you. Your existence was unknown to me.

A complete stranger..

Almost the same way you saw me..

Nothing more and nothing less.


Acquaintance...

We met. And finally, we have acknowledged each other’s presence.

You are somebody whom I find very interesting..

Mysterious but not harmful..

Somebody whom, in a few days, I can confide with.

Somebody whom I know not only by name, rather I know you like how friends should know each other.

 

Now..

What we started has grown deeper. It is as if I can’t hide anything from you.

It is as if I can tell everything to you… my life, my problems and my heartaches.

Our relationship has grown deeper.. Not just acquaintances but as friends.

You are that one friend that I can’t afford to lose.

If I should lose everything, I would trade everything except you.. I wish to keep you forever..

Selfish at it may seems.. I don’t care anyway.. as long as you’re here, I am contented…

 

You…

Gave me a reason to enjoy life…

Because of you, I saw how good God is…

Because of you, I saw what real friendship means…

You made me feel that I am special. That I am worth spending your time talking to me..

You really are a gift to me.. a blessing.

 

Your happiness…

Is important to me.

If only I could, I would love to see you smile.. your real smile.. no fakes..

if only I could, I would do everything just to see that..

This is why, I don’t want to hinder you from entering a vocation that your heart desires.

Though I am saddened by the thought of it, it doesn’t really matter anyway.

What matters is that you are happy..

 

My life…

Have changed a lot since you came..

I saw how valuable my life could be..

That I am worth caring for…

I have always known that I lack care in my life…

And you came to fill that emptiness… thank you..

 

 

If only I could…

I will do everything to take all your pains away…

I will make you happy whenever I can..

And so…

 

 

Friends…

Is what I wish to stay despite you leaving for priesthood..

We will always be this way as long as our hair turns white..

So promise me you’ll be happy once you’re on that path..

Coz once I find out your heart shouts some other path…

I’ll drag out of your current path and put you on your desired track…

 

So pls. do take care my dear friend…

Coz I wish nothing else but what is good for you…

That is how much I love you.. And It will continue to be that way until fate turn against us…

 

Love you my jemhie!! Mwah!^_^

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kung ano lang pumasok sa isip ko.. ito na yun.. hehehe.. love you..^_^

"Is this for real?" this is the question i have been asking myself in every chance i get.. coz The feeling.. the love.. and you loving me back.. is so surreal...
its like a dream.. a dream that happens rarely.. a beautiful dream that i never want to end.. a dream that seems quite impossible to happen...

But impossible as it may seems.. my heart still believe on the possiiblity that it will happen.. that i can still be happy.. that i can still feel loved by someone who will take care of me and my heart when everything is against me.. and that i can still love someone i know my heart wants.. the feeling of wanting to take that risk once again despite the posiblity of being hurt again..

You.. Jemhie.. made me believe in it.. believe in something that once died out in my life, can still renew itself.. more vibrating then ever.. the feeling of being happy and being in love... you gave me a reason to believe in myself that i can still take that risk again.. you gave me the strength to face another beginning with you...

I admit.. my heart is weak.. I am weak.. I dont have concrete decisions and i get easily influenced by the decision of others... the reason i have fears is because of that weakness... that once it breaks.. it will take some time to heal itself..

but despite of that weakness, I have my feelings that sometimes can overcome that weakness.. that feelings for you was so strong that i didnt mind how weak my heart was.. this feelings gave me the courage to let you know that it is you whom i know i want to be with... that it is you whom my weak heart beats for...

and so, JEMHIE.. listen carefully to what i am going to say( i mean read carefully^_^..)

Jemhie... I LOVE YOU... more than anything... I LOVE YOU BECAUSE WITH YOU I KNOW IM GOING TO BE OK... I LOVE YOU BECAUSE WITH YOU I FEEL SO HAPPY... I LOVE YOU BECAUSE WITH YOU..MY HEART, MY MIND AND MY SOUL FEEL CALM.. I LOVE YOU BECAUSE WITH YOU THERE IS NOTHING TO BE AFRAID OF...

no words can express how happy i am having you in my life.. whatever i did to God that made Him gave you to me... then I'm glad i did it... i love you...
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as long as your happy, I am contented...

I have asked myself after that talk... "will i ever get through this test?".....because the thought of you and i breaking up, kills me...its like when i wake up, i dont even want to stand up.. or when i go to sleep, i dont even want to dream coz i know when i wake up everything wont be the same.. pure illusions.. this is pain.. i am once again in a dark room..and sadness.. has once again invaded me...

but after you have said all those things.. all i can say and do was "i understand" although a part of me tells me that I dont want to understand.. just for once, i wanted to be selfish.. selfish in a sense that i dont want to let go... that i want everything to stay just the way it is... because as i see it, everything is almost perfect... bliss if i should describe it... i am happy.. but now, all i can say is that "i was happy..."

but a part of me tells me.. this is not the right time to be selfish.. because i know this is what you want... even though i want it so much not to happen.. a part of me tells me that i should stop acting like a kid and think of what others feel.. and so maybe because of this feeling that I allowed you to go... at least by doing this, i can say.. I have done something good for love... and by doing this, i have proved to myself that i do love you...

Sometimes, i wished i never love you this much.. letting go of the feeling is so hard... but come to think of it, I'm happy I love you... because loving you taught me a lot of things... and loving you is the most blissful feeling i ever had...


I have never been this vocal with my feelings... this is the first time that i have become so honest of how i feel... and i thank you for making me do that...

uhmm... last words na kasi masyado na mataas.. hehehehe

uhmm... I am letting go because I dont want to make things hard for you.. I am letting go coz i want you to find things that you so wanted to find.. I am letting go coz I know in my heart that if I do, It will be my special way of loving you...that I am letting go because I want you to find your happiness... I may not be part of it, but hey at least i helped, right? hehehe...

Dont worry... I promised I wont leave you... I'll always be the same "shabie" you once knew... I'll always be here every night waiting for you to be Online.. I'll always be here loving you without any reservations yun nga lang di ko lang sasabihin.. sekreto na yun from now on.. hahahahaha..^_^

Di na ako iiyak.. di na rin ako malulungkot... isipin mo lng lagi na nakasmile ako tulad ng shabie na kasama mo dyan... para di ka magworry... if I should cry or be sad, it may be because of other reasons.ok?

hmm.. grabeng last words ito.. sobrang taas.. hehehe.. anywayz... uhmm.. eto na tlga ang last words ko...

I love and will love you as long as I know how to love... I'll be there paglabas mo sa seminary... Maghihintay ako as long as I know how to wait... uhmm... waaaaaaaa... never done this before... but maybe its worth it... iba ka naman kasi sa ibang guyz i met before... so yun.. paglabas mo, i hope to be there...

hmmm.. thank you for everything... thank you for making me happy.. thank you for making me feel loved... thank you for being there for me when everybody was not there... thank you... masaya na ako knowing minahal din ako ng taong napakaimportante sa buhay ko... and i will always remember those memories... coz what we had was like a dream... the most blissful thing i ever had...

so yan jemhie.. promise me you'll find yourself.. and pwede pakibilisan lang din kasi baka mainip ako.. hehehe.. joke...^_^ uhmmm.. yun.. basta hanapin mo what really makes you happy... coz on that day when you find your happiness... I know I have done enough here... I am contented...

so yun.. ingat ka lagi jemhie.. dont worry after reading this.. andyan pa si shabie na super cute.. hahahahaha... i love you jemhie ko... mwah...^_^
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